Its a CONSPIRACY!

was the victim of "sports politics". like when you see football or whatever and its bloody obvious that the keeper got paid to let the balls in or something like that. and you think to yourself that stuff like this shouldnt happen but it does "shit happens, get on with life". but when it happens to you, its pretty crappy.

foosball competition - my main goal was to get into the quarter finals, cos i know there's NO way of getting into the semis, these guys are just too good. was playing a crappy game really and thought there was no hope of the quarters. then i come bc from my holiday and see the scores and i have one more match to play and most are already over and i have a PRETTY good chance of getting into the quarters cos of the points.

i was away so my group had to wait for me to get bc to finish the group matches la kan. so ther's A, B and me. A is good (i lost the home match to him and won the away match against him - weird i know, should be terbalik). B is ok ler (drew with him in the away match). so there are 2 more games to be played, me against B, and A against B. so A plays against B first and there is NO WAY IN HELL B would win this match unless he employed a bomoh or something lah kan. so when i looked at the standings before the 2 matches, i almost knew i was gonna qualify for the quarter finals.

mana tau, A and B have some bloody fucking deal going on and A LETS B WIN THE MATCH. it was so bloody OBVIOUS. he was passing the ball to B!! so anyway B won, and the only way i could now qualify was if i won the game against B. well, my mind was messed up already (i know it shouldnt affect the game but it did) and i lost, so i dont qualify. which is pretty shitty when you know it was already in the bag but for some fucking asshole who cant play fair.

but i guess i shouldnt even be grouching abt some bastard - waste of energy. and he had the audacity to come up to me and say "sorry abt the other day". why apologise? chicken? you made a decision, stick to it bastard. dont have to apologize if you're not really sorry. seriously. shit happens, life goes on.

so well, thought to myself that while it would have been damn nice to be in the quarters, i dont need to be in a game where politics is rife even when there's no prizes. so i didnt tell anyone abt it. only abt 5 ppl knew (which is enough for the whole world to find out in under 10 seconds i suppose).

but today someone asked me abt it, apparently they were talking abt it in the gents... hahahahahahahahahahahaha.. thats funny, think abt it. talking abt me while pissing.. hahahahaha.. shit ;-)

so this guys asks me abt it and i affirm it and he says "why didnt you tell me abt it, i would hv had a rematch" like who is he la? the organizer? but sweet. and he told me something very profound: "make sure you score without any doubt" which means i shouldnt have assumed that B was gonna lose (altho he would have if there wasnt anything under the table). well.. ok. thats done. shouldnt have it in my system anymore.

am now reading Tuesday's with Morrie and he says its not good to have self pity all the time, but sometimes you need it, be nice to yourself, but limit it, cos its a totally pointless emotion. so should be able to get this out of my system now. especially since they were talking abt it in the gents.. hahahahahahahaha. cant get over that. so everyone knows i'm a better player but i got screwed cos of some assholes. ok, no worries. done.

wellllll...

so i've been playing aunt agony to a couple of people. interesting cos i know what i want out of life and it makes so much perfect sense (to me). but when you play aunt agony, there is a side of a person's story you sometimes cannot fathom.

like when women get abused and they still stay in the relationship. why? when we look at it from the outside, its like they are the just daft. but they look at it differently. they think they dont have a choice, that its the norm for a married woman. some think they are so unloved that if they leave, no one will love them again. but from the outside, bloody hell, it doesnt fucking make sense. it doesnt dammit..

but playing aunt agony is like selling ice to the bloody eskimos. they cant see it altho its all aorund them. ok i'm probably using the wrong idion / proverb / similie, whatever, but you get my drift. you tell them and you tell them and you tell them and then you just have no choice but to sigh in exasperation!

like my friend just quit the mise program cos her parents have arranged a marriage for her to someone she has never met in her life. and she's grumbling and she doesnt know what to do and now she says god will take care of everything. well, i suppose. but by golly, if it was me! thank god for MY parents, te amo ;-) while they are not happy over certain choices i make, its still ME who makes those choices. so at the end of the day, no "what-ifs". i chose and i live with it. only myself to blame.
which is great when you think abt it. if you make the right decision, be proud. if you dont, well too bad. there are certain wrong decisions made over life's path and you just trudge through and make the best of it. get on with life. period. regrets are regrets but dont dwell too much. but be proud that you were given that choice and not have someone make it for you.

we actually dont realise how lucky most of us are. kenny once said "you cant choose who your parents are", if you get parents who put you in a rubbish bin after cutting the umbilical cord, well tough luck bro! better if you die then live a life just suffering. i'm serious. yeah mayb i sound heartless and stuff, but think abt it. what abt parents who gave you food and a few bashes as well. again - better off dead right? or traumatised for life! you cant choose.

and the culture we are living in. well, if we compare it to totally liberated countries, well yeah, there's a lot to be done. but compare it to iran and india. where if you're a guy, you're brainwashed as to the kind of person you should be - brave, heartless, a false sense of security being the alpha male or whatever. if you're a girl, hmmmmmmmm.. housework, no driving, no going out of the house unless accompanied by a male, children, arranged mariages at 15. its just freaking ridiculous. and believe me, this is not extreme. comparatively. a place where wife abuse is considered normal even by so called "learned" men. and they call themselves a bloody civilization. civilization my ass!

hmmmmmmm, a lot swear words today huh? well.. you get my drift so i'll stop. til something aggravates me again..

so gremlin is fine, he scratched gorgeous but i cant do anything abt it, i love both. gorgeous ran almost 900 kms over the weekend, so kesian..

oh yeah, went to the pasar malam the other day after such a long time. kinda miss the atmosphere. typical malaysia. and there was this idiot without his leg lying on the road and begging. i mean, sit up, get some tissues, and sell them for a profit. or go get a job, at least you can see right? but no, he just decides that he'd rather just lie on the road and block everyone's way on a crowded street - seriously had this impulse to just walk over him.

almost knocked 2 pedestrians (on diff occasions) the other day. was looking the other side to see if there were oncoming cars befor i could shoot out of my parking spot and just when there's a lull in traffic, i shoot out and jam on the emergency brake cos some idiot is crossing - IS HE BLIND? my my what is the world coming to nowadays? i mean think of the worst case scenario - through no fault of mine (cos there was a traffic light he could have crossed at just abt 20 metres aay), i would hv knocked him, he would have fallen, he would be bleeding, i would hv to waste my time taking him to the hospital, gorgeous would be a bit meesed up and i would hv to go send him for cleaning, etc etc. all because of a blind old man.. aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh... sigh. sigh.

James Blunt - Goodbye my lover - yes, its a conspiracy, dont you agree. oh well.. life goes on, conspiracy or no.

P/S: Amanda, indians and africans look VERY different, hence the question: dont they have national geographic or discovery?
cheers..