Part of Never Ever

My head's spinning
Boy, I'm in a daze
I feel isolated
Don't wanna communicate
I'll take a shower, I will scourI will rub
To find peace of mind
The happy mind I once owned, yeah
Vexing vocabulary runs right through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Z
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong, no
I'm just waiting'
Cause I heard this feeling won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right
I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no moreI need peace, got to feel at ease
Need to be.
Free from pain - going insane
My heart aches, yeah
Sometimes vocabulary runs right through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Z
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find
I'm not crazy, I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong
I'm just waiting'
Cause I heard this feeling won't last that long
Never ever have I ever felt so low
When ya gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad
Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah,
I just don't feel right x4
You can tell me to my face,
You can tell me on the phone,
Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe'
Cause I really need to know

About Nostalgia and Regrets

...or wanted to put the title as nostalgic regrets or regrettable nostalgia or something along those lines.. like a play on words.. the english language is pretty interesting actually. my favourite part of the english language is the "juxtaposition of an oxymoron" (thks mr teoh).. i mean, it sounds almost greek (ok maybe not, but you know what i mean), but it actually makes sense - it means something like the putting together of two words, which have two opposite meanings but make perferct sence when put together. like "deafening silence" or "pretty ugly" or "deeply shallow".. i'm on a quest to find more, but when i do, i forget them. can prob get some from google (i lurrrvvvveee google so much that its constantly "when in doubt, google it"), but no time ler..

i think i'll keep the regrets part for another blog cos thats pretty deep stuff la.. neways..

nostalgia was more like when i was taking the train to work today.. its been absolutely AGES ever since gorgeous, but kinda miss the ride tho. brought back so many memories.. first thing was the fact that i saw school children waiting for the bas sekolah when its not even light out yet (i'm like hahahaahah, thank god i'm outta that phase). then got into the train, tried to sleep but couldnt. had an RD with me but preferred to stare out the window to see all the kampungs whizzing by.

and the eagles on the electric lines. and the first rays of light, the sun was an orange ball.. even the batang benar dump site was still there. gawd, its been ages hasnt it? and a new building has come up near mines. and i continued reminiscing.. the walk through all the lanes near masjid jamek after the lrt ride, the smell of hot currypuffs being fried right in front of you, the old biscuit shops where you can still get the white kuih kacang and then some..

the cats, of course. and the rats and the dead cockroaches (bleeaarrghh..) and the magazine stall and the fruit stall and the indian breakfast stall which also sells wajid ;-) cant believe its just been over a year, it feels like aeons ago and yet i remember it so vividly..

breakfast at lotus and palgova and some other indian sweetmeats. and the nasi lemak at the masjid jamek stn itself. maui used to love that, it finished within half an hour of the guy putting out his basket!! and meeting kitchie for breakfast and lunch once. i love memories - they almost make me who i am ;-)

oh yeah, and the bread story which is there and i used to love the peanut butter bun. i still love it - anything with peanut butter is good actually ;-)

wow.. and one of my favourite composers has a piece titled nostalgia which is one of the best pieces in his live in acropolis album.. ;-) ;-)

My new toy (and others)

first up: tres, when you coming back? thought it was supposed to be in sept right? neways, hv fun (since you're due back soon).. luv ya ;-)

so, stuff thats been happening in the last 2 weeks (not in any order of importance, just in order of my memory ;-)

1. Vessel tour approved to HKG.. yaaayyy.. rcvd an email from the master of columbine saying i was welcome on board. sailing from TPP-SIN-YAT-HKG. wanted to go around china but turns out my friend who was going to show me around is being rotated to another position so i wouldnt be able to meet her.. need a plan b and a plan c la.. also need to get stuff for the crew and thats another headache.. fun to shop la, but with so little time??

but a lot of prep needs to be done before i get on board - need to email the master and ask if there are rubber boots in my size as well as a helmet and an extra boiler suit. also need to think abt what gift to get the captain and the crew.. thought of a kris in pewter but thats too common.. Lyn suggested a wooden crafted doll or something - like the ones you get in east Mal. and def need to get a bottle of SOMETHING. and prob a few dvds as well. and prob some ps2 games. and a lot of junk food from Mal as well as some rempah for the cook - know what i mean? and some small souveniers like bookmarks or keychains or postcards for the rest of the crew..
turns out the ship even has a swimming pool - thats like having a pool in the middle of the ocean - a bit ironic dont you think? oh well..

will need to visit the office in HKG probably. hmmm.. oh shit, totally forgot abt my visa.. shit shit.. need 2 photos for that!

2. just realised that my timelines are really tight at the moment - vsl tour beginning of oct for abt 10 days, when i get back, my admission tests will be waiting for me and there are 5 subjects to cover - law, econs, investment, maritime tech and logistics.. (tres, will need your help for investment, so study harder k? eugene, will need your expertise for econs). after that, my vessel tour report is due. and i'm due in cph in 3 wks, AND to top it all off, my first day in CPH is my finals for Investment and Econs.. die ler.. and i havent even started studying yet.. die ler die ler..

3. speaking of cph, have a bad feeling that my annual dinner is gonna clash with my module.. darn..

4. got a new toy from my parents for my bday - a v3i.. damn nice. all the functions except 3g. but everything else. camera, flip, bluetooth, vidcam, mp3, memory card, etc.. even aeroplane mode! waaaaaayy nice.. but still havent read my manual yet.. like mr teoh always says "RYBM" ;-) (oh, thats short for read your bloody manual)

5. sent gorgeous to the clinic, came back looking like new that 2 people commented on it. one went like "how olds your car?" the other knew how old gorgeous is and he said "do you polish your car every week?" thks for the ride angela ;-)

6. my spain fund is dwindling, so might have to scrap that off my list ler.. thought of amsterdam instead - yeah, drugs are legal there.. hehehehe.. even found out that they have cannabis lollies and cakes laced with marijuana for teatime.. aint that cool or what?? but it'll be winter so would prob miss the tulips - oh well, was never one for flowers anyway.

better get down to all the stuff that needs to be done. cheers to a good sunday ;-)

My ICU experience

My dad's cousin was in the ICU a few days back, and i went to see him and that was my first ICU experience ever. I mean, usually, people are already dead and how often do you get to visit them in the ICU instead of in a coffin? I'm not being insensitive but seriously..

Anyways, it was the high dependency ward and it was quite interesting to see all the machines and whatnot.. for a wild moment, i almost wanted to be a doctor myself.. not the kind that GPs are - they just milk you for your bucks, but the real kind in the ER where life matters.. or another take on that would be a vet which has been my childhood ambition for like EVER.. but just too malas to study anymore.. wait til i hit midlife crisis or something ler, then i'll go back to school.. hehehe..

oh, and my dad was talking to the doctor in charge at the moment, and she was really good with words - one phrase that struck me was when she said "so we know that he's not compatible with life anymore", as opposed to "he's better off dead".. very interesting phrase..

anyways - to the happier things in life.. got training for 3 days, so thats cool. TGIF's mudslide is as good as ever, but it needs more Baileys. just arranged my vessel tour and i hope it comes back with a positive reply. an apple a day keeps the doctor away (i hope). started a really good book - The Life of Pi - abt animals and zookeeping, good fiction and it won a booker prize or something. 5th sept was almost normal apart from the fact that i had to keep deleting messages from my phone to make way for more. got Fish Tales from Maersk, so will start on that after The Life of Pi.
sooooooo....

tres, i'm SURE you can get someone to pay for your ticket to London, its just a weekend, know what i mean *wink wink* ;-) love you too ;-)