Kenny's note

Lest we forget ;-)

Quote:

Remember sangfroid - never ever give power away to other people. Lest you send the wrong signals, watch that tone and body language. By all means, be as gentle as lambs, but certainly, be cunning as wolves as well. Above all, strive to be a good person, for good people make good spouses, good parents, good friends and good managers. (16 Feb 2004)

Unquote.

One of the men who made an impact in my life when i was still "mouldable". thank you. would never have turned out this way (i hope ;-) if it werent for you. i love you.

Why do I do the things I do?

Dammit. Why do i do this? Even when he serenaded me with Mario's You Should Let Me Love You. On bended knee. In the office on a workday. Mmmmmmmmmm ;-) Well, not the whole song la, just the chorus. And now everytime i listen to that song, that scene is a flashback. Regrets. Darn.

After everything i said abt shit happening and getting on with life and not having excess baggage and playing aunt agony. god, i need an aunt agony myself! Thks luv ;-)

No matter how much you try to go against society, it will come back to bite your ass huh? Hmmmm. Well, yeah i guess some truth in that. you can make decisions and live it but society wont leave you alone, you'll be bombarded from all directions and at some point you'll feel like giving in just to shut them up. Its hard. You have to be really really strong, at the end of the day it depends on how hard you want it. hahahahaha.. nice choice of words ;-)

why is life such a game for me? why is it that once i get something, it doesnt hold a thrill anymore? i want it and then i push it away. darn, i'm a mess.

oh well..

Went to my cousins hse again over the long CNY wkend. Still had train tickets altho i bought them on Friday to leave on Saturday.. hahahaha..

So neways, as usual lah kan, played with the rottie and stuff. Family joined me there and my cousin took us offroading again. this time saw a few packs of monkeys, a black squirrel, a white squirrel and a water buffalo and 2 monitor lizards (and 2 dead ones), but the novelty is wearing off. now what would be good would be some wild elephants and tigers.. hehehe..

Mum made scones, ate it hot with butter.. mmmmmm, nothing beats that ;-) Also shared my breakfast of sausages with the rottie. and the next time i played with him, he almost bit my hand in two. oh well, comes with the territory i suppose. talk abt biting the hand that fed you. literally. the whole phrase might as well be coined becos of me!

well, so it was in the afternoon and i was outside reading and the rottie was in his cage. then he started barking in the direction of a coconut tree. so i thought there was some creature there and i go investigate lah kan.

and true enuff, it took me abt 20 seconds to stay still and adjust my eyes on the ground before i saw a monitor lizard in the sand, totally camouflaged. so the rottie had already seen it and was barking mad. so i let him out and he runs toward the monitor lizard. and guess what? you'd expect the lizard to run right? wrong. the lizard just stays still, so still that the rottie loses sight of its exact spot cos of the camouflage. so he runs to where he thinks the lizard is, which is about 3-4 metres in the opposite direction and THEN the lizard bolts. and by the time he turns around cos he hears the lizard running, he's too late. it was sooooo damn cool.. that was one smart lizard, i didnt know they were soooo smart. i mean as soon as it saw the rottie coming towards it, it should have bolted right, but it stayed. damn cun ;-) see, whoever said animals cant think are wrong. and this cant be instinct cos instinct would have told it to bolt asap.

have a BDV asgmnt due in a week, and its an individual paper, need to write abt 15 pages. and i cant count on next week, so i'll hv to finish it this weekend. darn.

Its a CONSPIRACY!

was the victim of "sports politics". like when you see football or whatever and its bloody obvious that the keeper got paid to let the balls in or something like that. and you think to yourself that stuff like this shouldnt happen but it does "shit happens, get on with life". but when it happens to you, its pretty crappy.

foosball competition - my main goal was to get into the quarter finals, cos i know there's NO way of getting into the semis, these guys are just too good. was playing a crappy game really and thought there was no hope of the quarters. then i come bc from my holiday and see the scores and i have one more match to play and most are already over and i have a PRETTY good chance of getting into the quarters cos of the points.

i was away so my group had to wait for me to get bc to finish the group matches la kan. so ther's A, B and me. A is good (i lost the home match to him and won the away match against him - weird i know, should be terbalik). B is ok ler (drew with him in the away match). so there are 2 more games to be played, me against B, and A against B. so A plays against B first and there is NO WAY IN HELL B would win this match unless he employed a bomoh or something lah kan. so when i looked at the standings before the 2 matches, i almost knew i was gonna qualify for the quarter finals.

mana tau, A and B have some bloody fucking deal going on and A LETS B WIN THE MATCH. it was so bloody OBVIOUS. he was passing the ball to B!! so anyway B won, and the only way i could now qualify was if i won the game against B. well, my mind was messed up already (i know it shouldnt affect the game but it did) and i lost, so i dont qualify. which is pretty shitty when you know it was already in the bag but for some fucking asshole who cant play fair.

but i guess i shouldnt even be grouching abt some bastard - waste of energy. and he had the audacity to come up to me and say "sorry abt the other day". why apologise? chicken? you made a decision, stick to it bastard. dont have to apologize if you're not really sorry. seriously. shit happens, life goes on.

so well, thought to myself that while it would have been damn nice to be in the quarters, i dont need to be in a game where politics is rife even when there's no prizes. so i didnt tell anyone abt it. only abt 5 ppl knew (which is enough for the whole world to find out in under 10 seconds i suppose).

but today someone asked me abt it, apparently they were talking abt it in the gents... hahahahahahahahahahahaha.. thats funny, think abt it. talking abt me while pissing.. hahahahaha.. shit ;-)

so this guys asks me abt it and i affirm it and he says "why didnt you tell me abt it, i would hv had a rematch" like who is he la? the organizer? but sweet. and he told me something very profound: "make sure you score without any doubt" which means i shouldnt have assumed that B was gonna lose (altho he would have if there wasnt anything under the table). well.. ok. thats done. shouldnt have it in my system anymore.

am now reading Tuesday's with Morrie and he says its not good to have self pity all the time, but sometimes you need it, be nice to yourself, but limit it, cos its a totally pointless emotion. so should be able to get this out of my system now. especially since they were talking abt it in the gents.. hahahahahahahaha. cant get over that. so everyone knows i'm a better player but i got screwed cos of some assholes. ok, no worries. done.

wellllll...

so i've been playing aunt agony to a couple of people. interesting cos i know what i want out of life and it makes so much perfect sense (to me). but when you play aunt agony, there is a side of a person's story you sometimes cannot fathom.

like when women get abused and they still stay in the relationship. why? when we look at it from the outside, its like they are the just daft. but they look at it differently. they think they dont have a choice, that its the norm for a married woman. some think they are so unloved that if they leave, no one will love them again. but from the outside, bloody hell, it doesnt fucking make sense. it doesnt dammit..

but playing aunt agony is like selling ice to the bloody eskimos. they cant see it altho its all aorund them. ok i'm probably using the wrong idion / proverb / similie, whatever, but you get my drift. you tell them and you tell them and you tell them and then you just have no choice but to sigh in exasperation!

like my friend just quit the mise program cos her parents have arranged a marriage for her to someone she has never met in her life. and she's grumbling and she doesnt know what to do and now she says god will take care of everything. well, i suppose. but by golly, if it was me! thank god for MY parents, te amo ;-) while they are not happy over certain choices i make, its still ME who makes those choices. so at the end of the day, no "what-ifs". i chose and i live with it. only myself to blame.
which is great when you think abt it. if you make the right decision, be proud. if you dont, well too bad. there are certain wrong decisions made over life's path and you just trudge through and make the best of it. get on with life. period. regrets are regrets but dont dwell too much. but be proud that you were given that choice and not have someone make it for you.

we actually dont realise how lucky most of us are. kenny once said "you cant choose who your parents are", if you get parents who put you in a rubbish bin after cutting the umbilical cord, well tough luck bro! better if you die then live a life just suffering. i'm serious. yeah mayb i sound heartless and stuff, but think abt it. what abt parents who gave you food and a few bashes as well. again - better off dead right? or traumatised for life! you cant choose.

and the culture we are living in. well, if we compare it to totally liberated countries, well yeah, there's a lot to be done. but compare it to iran and india. where if you're a guy, you're brainwashed as to the kind of person you should be - brave, heartless, a false sense of security being the alpha male or whatever. if you're a girl, hmmmmmmmm.. housework, no driving, no going out of the house unless accompanied by a male, children, arranged mariages at 15. its just freaking ridiculous. and believe me, this is not extreme. comparatively. a place where wife abuse is considered normal even by so called "learned" men. and they call themselves a bloody civilization. civilization my ass!

hmmmmmmm, a lot swear words today huh? well.. you get my drift so i'll stop. til something aggravates me again..

so gremlin is fine, he scratched gorgeous but i cant do anything abt it, i love both. gorgeous ran almost 900 kms over the weekend, so kesian..

oh yeah, went to the pasar malam the other day after such a long time. kinda miss the atmosphere. typical malaysia. and there was this idiot without his leg lying on the road and begging. i mean, sit up, get some tissues, and sell them for a profit. or go get a job, at least you can see right? but no, he just decides that he'd rather just lie on the road and block everyone's way on a crowded street - seriously had this impulse to just walk over him.

almost knocked 2 pedestrians (on diff occasions) the other day. was looking the other side to see if there were oncoming cars befor i could shoot out of my parking spot and just when there's a lull in traffic, i shoot out and jam on the emergency brake cos some idiot is crossing - IS HE BLIND? my my what is the world coming to nowadays? i mean think of the worst case scenario - through no fault of mine (cos there was a traffic light he could have crossed at just abt 20 metres aay), i would hv knocked him, he would have fallen, he would be bleeding, i would hv to waste my time taking him to the hospital, gorgeous would be a bit meesed up and i would hv to go send him for cleaning, etc etc. all because of a blind old man.. aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh... sigh. sigh.

James Blunt - Goodbye my lover - yes, its a conspiracy, dont you agree. oh well.. life goes on, conspiracy or no.

P/S: Amanda, indians and africans look VERY different, hence the question: dont they have national geographic or discovery?
cheers..

Torture and such..

Was reading the star online this morning abt the Ali Shalah torture, the famous man-in-the-hood video. cant believe that torture like that still exists! i mean, thats what you would expect of medievel times, like centuries ago..

like at the tour of the tower of london where the torture devices are on display and you wouldnt believe what kinda things they have. i saw one which was supposed to stretch the victim's body until the bones broke.. i mean, can you imagine being stretched? like someone literally pulls you apart. LITERALLY!

the device is such that you lie on a bed (not nowadays bed la, the straw thingy they used in those days) abt 1.5 feet frm the ground, and there are 2 heavy weight devices attached at either end. then someone slowly pulls both ends and you can feel everything stretching til it breaks. gosh, what a way to die. painful man..

and there was another where theres like a crown of thorns around your neck which slowly gets poked deeper and deeper.. and this was supposed to be yrs ago..

but they still have torture going on now, just that we dont know abt it. wonder what goes on behind the darkest prisons on earth.. hmmmm..

i mean, why torture ppl, just kill them straight la. death is the ultimate punishment becos the natural inclination of a man's heart is to live. really. i dont know, dark minds work in wonderous ways i guess.. like hitler and polpot. should find some books on them and find out what actually goes on in their minds. there's this book on saddam which is out, written by the daughter of one of his closest generals. and there's insight abt the psychological games he played with them. interesting.

oh well.. so was wondering abt proverbs the other day and there are some which actually contradict each other. like is it "absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "out of sight out of mind"? depends. and there's another one. aiyah cant rmbr la.. darn..

foosball tourney going on in the office right now - EPL style. really. there's 3 groups, 4 ppl in each group and everyone has a home and away match. so if its a win, its 3 pts, a draw is 1 and a loss is 0 lah kan. and then there's the part abt goal difference yadda yadda yadda.. was never one for footie. but beckham is very good looking ;-) hahahahaha.. typical! darn!

so i'm suppose to play 6 games, hv played 5 so far, won 1, drew 1 and lost 4.. i know i know, i should buck up. main aim is to get into the second round.. hahaha.. yeah right - hope la.
hate LOG la, have been asking around but no replies as yet. some more got 2 others due in Feb and i havent even looked at the questions yet!

cant wait to drive home this wkend, alone in gorgeous for 3 hours with music on the freeway, damn cun. wil prob stop by AK to get baskins. oh yeah, hv to rmbr my discount card... hahahaha.. if i was going bc a bit earlier, might stop by the zoo, apparently there are some orang utans on loose - those that are gentle with ppl and stuff. would love to go play with one and crron to it.. but they're bloody heavy. i've carried a baby orangutan before and i couldnt keep it in my arm for long. but it was ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE..

went duty free shopping the past 2 days and managed to experience the exhilaration (if you may call it that) of smuggling.. hahaha.. i love hidey holes ;-)

so Tres, cya soon. Bex and Van, cya soon too. Arv, hows that petrol card coming along ;-) Lora, tell me abt your house and hi to Joy and Idris and Maui. Koms, u forgot to remind me abt my digicam. Amanda, hope i rmbr your JDs and the CD case ;-) Lillian, cya on Sat, i dont know the road so i'm prob gonna meet Kenny in Bangsar n go tgthr, do you kno if Doc is coming? Maequan, meet u on Sat. hi to Shaliza, Aisyah and Lyn. And to anyone I've forgotten, TOO BAD.. hahahahahaha ;-)

My skeletal find

So went to Kluang again and my cousin was taking me around his estate and at one point the way got pretty dangerous so i told him i'll get down and walk when he figured out how to turn the vehicle around.. he had someone w him who could guide him la, but yes, i was jumping ship.. hahahahaha..

and on that walk, guess i what i found?? A WILD BOAR SKELETON, almost whole. It was so damn cun. Not skeleton, skull i think - just the head.. I felt like some archeologist who found some treasure or something.. was so cool.. at first i thought i'd polish it and make it some "art-on-mantelpiece" kinda thing, but on second thought - WHY NOT SELL IT ON EBAY?

bet there's some moron who's waiting to buy it.. someone who wants it for his museum or something.. cool. should go check out how to sell things on ebay.. like this person who was selling his social identity on ebay. the highest bidder was reaching 14000usd i think and it includes the seller's friends, his surfboard, his backpack and also lessons on how he socializes etc.. hmmmmmm.. what is the world coming to?

so if there's someone crazy enough to bid for this, there shouldnt be any problem trying to get rid of my skull right? but really need to go check out the intricacies of selling on ebay. quite sure i saw this book in popular abt it, hv to go check.. apparently you need a paypal account or something and the nearest "paypal bank" or whatever is in SGP. but where there's a will, there's a way and i could do with some dough/moolah/blingbling/greenbacks for Spain.. hahahaha.. ;-)

Now back to my adventures in the estate.. was so damn cun. got bitten by the rottie again! ALTHOUGH i shared bread and butter with him for breakfast that morning! so i played with the mongy instead when the rottie was drying after a bath (was tied up) and he was soooooo jealous when i was running around with the mongy..

also went on a "night safari" - cos the estate is bordering a "hutan simpan", and came across nightjars, porcupines, wild boars and a civet cat. also saw a pair of eyes unblinkingly watching me from the edge of the forest, only moved after 2 minutes. think it was a kancil. or pelanduk. what do you call it in english? oh yeah, mousedeer. also saw a barn owl abt 4 metres away from the jeep feding of a rat. damn cun, it looked so cute, adorable almost.

very fun. also about kingfishers, buffaloes (is it buffaloes or buffalos? no buffaloes looks better), a monitor lizard, white breasted partridges, eagles, a hummingbird's nest, yadda yadda yadda..
better than the taman negara endau rompin where i only saw elephants and tiger tracks. and a whole load of leeches.. yucks. one even got up to my back without me noticing (mind you, i was wearing leech socks!) and fed off me and fell of before i realised what happend!

went offroading again, damn cun, but its actually quite tiring after a while. cos i'm so used to freeways and stuff and suddenly you're driving in holes.

so when i brought the skull back to the jeep, my cousin told me i couldnt bring it along, apparently whats found in the forest must be left in the forest. there's this BIG HUMONGOUS pantang about it la. so after begging, he said ok but i would hv to put it in the back, and not bring it into the house. so i kept it outside and when my aunties found out abt it, i got another round. not scolding la, more like WHY i would need a skull and why i couldnt have left it in the jungle. Goodness, dont they know business when they see it?

anyways, washed it the next day and kept it out to dry. was actually feeling kinds weird after i washed it and esp at night, kept thinking of it. apparently the spirits will come looking for it la. and i DONT believe in these things. all the same, it kinda felt weird. like when the lights were off and i was abt to sleep, i wanted to get some water frm the kitchen and the sofa in the hall looked like an old bent woman. shit, i'm hallucinating.. WAS..

anyways, had a 4 hour snooze, had to get up early the next morn, and no bad dreams all ler.. no, DONT ask where the skull is now ;-)

i think the reason i was feeling uneasy was the fact that i was fed with stories of "leave the forest alone" plus the night safari thingy. and when i washed the skull, a few ants and a funny looking short centipede came out of it and they all drowned. felt kinda sorry, but logically right, they would be washed away had there been rain anyway! thats the logic side of me. and YET i was feeling uneasy.. hmmmmmm..

but sometimes, in this "nature vs nurture" thing, we CAN be influenced to a certain extent i suppose.. interesting. human psychology..

like my friend is on holiday from studying in Indonesia and i caught up with her the other day. and there was this story she told me. she was thirsty so there was this makcik lah kan that was on a bicycle selling what looked like drinks. was hot and my fren thought she's get some so she goes uup to the makcik and asks her what she's selling and the makcik says she's selling potions.. like "oh, ini untuk buat yang hodoh jadi cantik, yang miskin jadi kaya, yang bodoh jadi pandai".. i mean, would you believe that? if she WAS, why is she still selling it on a bicycle? she should've retired in malibu or something, know what i mean? but ppl still believe her - she's still in business. liek some nenek kebayan story.. hmmmm..

oh well, to each his own i guess. but that nature vs nurture thing is interesting. thats how they've been brought up. and not exposed. like when i was in china and everyone thought i was from africa. i mean, dont they have national geographic or discovery?

its like the katak bawah tempurung story - you think the whole world is your tempurung until you stick your head OUT of the tempurung and you realise that there's a whole world full of possibilities. but not unless.

damn hungry la, stomach's growling.

oh saw this movie the other day - Cake - very thought provoking. enuff said. have i piqued your curiosity? hehehehehe.. ;-)

shit, logistics is due on on monday! and i'm on leave the whole wkend plus monday, who la will have time to do asgmnts when on leave?

Gender Discrimination

First: Nothing's Permanent Part II - the ony people that are gonna be permanent is your partner, your kids (maybe), parents, and some close relatives. And MAYBE one or two friends.. so choose wisely ;-)

ok so abt gender discrimination. i was at an Indian restaurant the other day with a male colleague. AND THEY SERVED HIM FIRST.. i couldnt believe it! And i was buying groceries from an Indian shop with a male cousin and after it was all bungkus-ed, she gave the package to me but took the cash from my cousin! Although the package was heavy!!

even at family dinners when some older aunts are around - they always ask the men to eat first.. and its waaaaayy worse in the middle east. women cant drive for crying out loud - where would gorgeous be?

What is the world coming to? But its all culture actually - the way you're brought up and your reluctance to change. When i was in Europe, it was totally different - guys wait for the lady to get in or out of the lift first, ladies are served first at any restaurant, and if its a formal dinner, guys pull out chairs for you, make sure your wine and water glasses are ALWAYS filled and ofer you the food first before taking any themselves. (Darn, i'm in the wrong place ;-)

Even in Hardrock here, my friend and i ordered the same thing and he made it a point to tell the waiter "give it to the lady first pls". hmmmmmm.. oh well..

gonna go offroading again this wkend - yaaaayyyy.. so cool..

My offroading experience ;-)

Driving a hilux in dirt roads is sooooo cool. it kinda makes me wanna join those 4wd expeditions, know what i mean? its just so cool. drove my cousin's hilux at the edge of the jungle, in mud and dirt and stuff. and its still comfortable! i didnt feel the bumps and all. ok la, mayb at a really big hole, but it WAS SOOOOO COOL ;-)

i never knew offroading was soooo cool, i mean, who needs highways? sorry, gorgeous - i still love you, i really do.. ;-) and the hilux has 2 gears, the other is to engage all 4 tyres. very cool. also took it at 100 along one of the straighter roads, aaaaahhhh the exhilaration of speed. and it was soooo smooth - cant stop crooning. cant wait for next wkend when i'll be driving back ;-)

so my mini offroading experience also got me seeing a pack of monkeys, the damage of the floods, some fish and wildboar footprints as well as 2 million kingfishers! was fun. a good weekend.

so visited my cousin in kluang over the weekend, and the first stop would be the kluang station. roti bakar with butter and kaya and iced coffee - they make the best! and they've even started selling t-shirts. like hard rock cafe. should consider a franchise la.

so went into town to this 2 ringgit shop, cos the last time i was here, my slippers broke and i found a pair in the shop, and they're STILL lasting. so wantd to get 2 more pairs. did that, came home and found that i got the worng size cos i was rushing. so went back the next day to change it and now its perfect ;-)

made friends with my cousins 2 yr old rottie - huge and doesnt know his own strength. by the time the weekend was over, i couldnt recognize my hands. ok i'm exaggerating but seriously, at one point i thought my thumb was going to be torn off. like how you hear car thiefs cutting your thumb off cos the engine only starts with fingerprint recognition. but lets not go there..
but playing with him was fun. the kind of rottie who can run with you, jump on you and rest his head on your lap when you're reading in the afternoon.

speaking of dogs, Faith ran away 2 wks ago, hasnt come back yet. just hope someone took her and she didnt get into an accident or something. and now i miss gremlin pulak.. hmmmmm..

was reading the readers digest from 1993 or something and saw this page called "quotable quotes" - was one from samuel johnson saying "the natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure but from hope to hope". interesting, hope is always there no matter how bleak the situation, like a small sick flower growing in the heart..

wanna talk abt gender discrimination but damn malas, so i'll keep that topic for another day la..
oh oh right - also learnt how to make nei urundais from my auntie, so will be trying the recipe over the cny wkend if i dont have anything else to do.

really busy with my asgmnts now since this is my 4th module - got a bloody active group in ME, and 2 asgmnts due next week.. on retrospect, passing this program just gives rise to more work - but no one said it was gonna be easy.. ;-P